All's well that ends as you like it...

With no gnats to irritate or distract me, I found myself deep in thought as I ran tonight. So deep, in fact, that the run almost disappeared; I have no real recollection of it - it just happened. My thoughts were enough to propel me over 4km; my legs were surplus to requirements. It's wonderful and strange how the mind is able to lift you and transport you to another world like that.

I had a meeting in London this afternoon and, despite earlier doubts about the worth of spending all that time, energy and money on a 250 mile round trip for a 90 minute meeting, it was, in the end, positive and productive and worth the expenditure. One of the last conversations I had before I parted company with my colleague at the railway station this evening was about the choices we make in life and, I guess, the consequences of those choices. This topic stayed with me as I made my way home and throughout tonight's run.

I am a gay man (in case you'd not guessed). I am single and I have no kids. My only responsibility is to myself. I can do what I want and come and go as I please. It sounds like a great life, I hear you say. And I'd have to admit that it seems to suit me right now. However, in 5, 10, 15 years, that may not be the case. As we get older, our values change and things that once held no importance suddenly become important.

For example, as a young man family meant very little to me and children of my own were of no interest whatsoever. Now that I'm not that far off 50, I'm certainly starting to see the worth of being able to call on family members. Tempus fugit. As a young man, I certainly had that mindset of who wants to live forever but, of course, as I get older I'm understandably quite keen now to buy a bit more time. And that is central to this problem; the fact that we make decisions when we're younger that affect us when we're older. I can sometimes spend my day worrying about or dealing with the consequences of choices I made when I was younger.

I read on PME200's The Blog That Peter Wrote:

I believe life is quite a lot like a monkey throwing shit at you. You can try to avoid the monkey, but they're sometimes pretty good shots. All you can honestly do is to try to deal with the shit that does hit you: that is within in your power: the rest is not.

I like his philosophy. I can't change the choices I've made in my life but I can change the way I deal with their consequences.