Saturday, 22 December 2012

So this is Christmas...?

I spent yesterday lunchtime battling the rabid throngs of Christmas shoppers through the centre of Cardiff, wishing I'd not strayed from my office desk. I don't mind so much those with an honest sense of purpose and determination to acquire that last scrap of yuletide tat; it's the amblers and drifters that send me over the edge.

The following groups should be banned from leaving the house throughout December; they should certainly be barred from straying anywhere near urban areas:
Those that refuse to look where they're going, preferring instead to stare over their shoulders or down at their feet, thereby forcing all they meet to make way for them.

Those smug and happy-clappy couples, holding hands and gazing into each others eyes as they float slowly by on a cloud of love, instilling hatred in all that have to negotiate their way around them.

Those cheery inconsiderate bastards that stop for a chat, all stupid smiles and loud knitwear, blocking the pavement and forcing everyone else into the road.

Those duplicitous hard-faced fucksters in their threadbare leggings with battering ram pushchairs laden with shopping and no kid in sight.

Those potbellied porkers that can't resist the Christmas market hog roast, ambling about with their greasy chinned slack-jawed mastication, blocking everyone with their gout ridden gait.

Anyone under the age of 25 with their gurning and acned faces; totally devoid of humour and spacial awareness.

Anyone over the age of 60, muffled in sensible winter-wear and wrapped in a cloud of senile confusion; too infirm to walk more than 3 steps before tottering to the left or stumbling to the right.

Oh... and anyone else who gets in my way!

Now that's out of my system... A very merry Christmas and a happy new year to you all!

I'll leave you with one of the best Christmas ads ever...

1 Year Ago:Shibboleth...