There are so many things in this life that we do not fully understand, cannot begin to explain and defy logic to the point of being hocus pocus and voodoo. Before we get to explaining what exactly gravity is or why planes stay up in the sky, maybe we should turn our attention to inexplicables of a more domestic nature.
For me, many of these mysteries are a vindictive conspiracy against me by inanimate objects; when the jam jar lid falls to the floor and lands perfectly balanced on its side before neatly rolling through the 3mm gap between the cooker and the kitchen unit; when the zip on a sweat shirt snags with the t-shirt underneath and, after much tugging, you have to be cut out of both garments; when I have to wait to get in the shower because I can't get my watch off because the folding clasp bracelet won't slide over my hand no matter what I try (although it slipped on easily enough that morning). Surely, these can only be explained by some retributive act by the big beardy man in the sky?
Tonight whilst cycling across the bridge to the pool for a swim, my bike decided to do a little vertical hop for no apparent reason. The path was smooth and I was riding slowly in a straight line and yet it did a little jump. I lost control and nearly went over the handlebars. In trying to regain control, my gonads made a sharp connection with the top of the handlebar post and I gouged a lump out of my ankle with the peddle. This, in turn, triggered an uncontrollable bout of Tourette's, much to the amusement of some passing kids.
I eventually got to the pool and managed to get changed. I limped with throbbing groin and bloodied ankle to the water's edge - looking like a re-enactment of the D-Day Landings (except in red Speedos and looking a bit gay). Swimming, I left a faint signal of blood from my peddle-gouged ankle in my wake. Had I been in open water rather than the safety of Cardiff International Pool, Great Whites would have sniffed me out in no time.
I can quite see how people believed in poltergeists. What other explanation could there be?
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