Survival of the fittest...

Given that we use dictionaries as works of reference, to be consulted when we're looking for a definition, a spelling or a usage of a word; you might be mistaken for thinking that dictionaries set the rules. Or rather, that the compilers of dictionaries set the rules.

You'd be wrong. Actually, it is us, the speakers of the language, that set the rules through our ever changing usage and reinvention of words and their meanings. Dictionaries are merely a place to capture the words we use and how we use them. The compilers of dictionaries (or lexicographers) are recorders of language, after the event. Like distant relatives, they are usually not present at the birth.

We live in a world where words are constantly changing. Historically, they always have changed; it's why languages such as English have succeeded and become global languages. Take a look at silly (it once meant blessed), decimate (it once meant to kill every tenth person) and manufacture (it once meant to make by hand). They all carry very different meanings today.

In more recent times, once negative words like bad and wicked are now positive terms, gay, a word once used to describe something bright, joyous and lighthearted, has come to mean bad and nice has totally lost any real meaning altogether.

How did this happen? Because words change and evolve, in some ways similar to the way life changes and evolves; as the environment changes so we must change to survive in it.

Being difficult...

As I lay in bed this morning, debating whether I should get up, I decided to procrastinate a little further and so, at the risk of catching one of Radio 4's Sunday morning religious programmes such as Bells on Sunday or Something Understood, I turned on the radio. Luckily, God was with me and I'd narrowly avoided Sunday Worship, tuning in just in time for the start of Radio 4's A Point of View.

This morning's broadcast was a piece by Will Self entitled, Challenging Intellect. In this piece he argued that we should embrace the intellectual challenge of "difficult" books and art, and value works which are more taxing than our increasingly low-brow popular culture.

"The most disturbing result of this retreat from the difficult is to be found in arts and humanities education, where the traditional set texts are now chopped up into boneless nuggets of McKnowledge, and students are encouraged to do their research - such as it is - on the web."

I read the transcript of the programme when I got up and his phrase, "boneless nuggets of McKnowledge" has stayed with me all day. His comparison of knowledge to food and its acquisition in our information revolution age being akin to buying something cheap, quick and easily digestible at a fast food outlet is, I think, a powerful metaphor. It's a beautiful and potent phrase that I have returned to today - whilst cycling, at the supermarket, at the swimming pool. It has conjured up images throughout the day that have set my synapses alight.

We live in a 24/7 culture where everything is in competition with everything else for our short attention spans. It's a world of headlines, strap lines and catchphrases; anything longer is overlooked. I believe this to be a major driver in why we now have McKnowledge in place of broad understanding. Everything has to be easy and instantaneous; films, theatre, books, music - it's why so much of what we consume is formulaic. Once it's proven to work, it's repeated and applied to other genres and forms too.

The internet has revolutionised information; how we communicate it, how we access it and how we digest it. There is more information readily, easily and cheaply available to us today than we could ever hope to digest. There are, of course, many advantages to this but, as Will Self points out, there are many disadvantages too.

If you've not already done so, listen to his broadcast, Challenging Intellect.

Alles klar...

Depending on the context and your audience, dropping a few French words and phrases into your conversation may make you sound sophisticated or may make you sound like a bit of a pretentious twat. Dropping a German word or phrase will make you sound even more sophisticated... or maybe an even bigger twat with more pretensions.

Sometimes though, nothing else quite captures the moment as well as one of those German words that seem to sum up what we mean better than anything English could dream up. Where would we be without:

Doppelgänger: taken from German Doppel (double) and Gänger (goer). A ghostly counterpart of a living person. A double or an alter ego.

Lebensraum: from the German Leben (living, life) and Raum (space). The space required for life, growth, or activity. Brought to prominence again by Adolf Hitler in his book Mein Kampf.

Realpolitik: from German real (realistic, practical or actual); and Politik politics. Politics based on practical and material factors rather than on theoretical or ethical objectives.

Schadenfreude: derives from the German Schaden (adversity, harm) and Freude (joy). Pleasure derived from the misfortunes of others.

Wanderlust: from the German words wandern (to hike) and Lust (desire). A strong, innate desire to rove or travel about.

Zeitgeist: a loanword from German Zeit (time) and Geist (spirit). Spirit of an age.

And you couldn't really entitle a post Alles Klar without a word from The League of Gentlemen's Herr Lipp

Three unconnected things...

1. My local police station is far from the suburban local police station you might expect. No. When I first moved to the Bay it was little more than a two story portakabin; today it is a multi story monster of a building, housing the Eastern Divisional Headquarters of South Wales Police.

I happened to look up to the roof as I was passing earlier in the week and couldn't help noticing a rainbow flag flying. How times have changed; I remember when they arrested us homos for holding hands and dispatched mounted police to contain us as we protested against the spiteful Section 28 in the late 80s.

2. Splott is an area of Cardiff, the name of which some people think is derived from a truncation of God's Plot. It isn't; it's from an Old English word meaning speck or plot.

On my way home tonight, I saw a sign for Splott Sunday Market; except it doesn't appear to occur on a Sunday...?

3. One of the routes I take for running takes me past the entrance to St David's Hotel in the Bay. Madonna camped out here while she rehearsed for her Sticky & Sweet stadium tour, which she opened in Cardiff's Millennium Stadium in 2009. I didn't see her once during her stay - not even out jogging through the Bay with her bodyguards. I often hear of international sports teams staying here but, again, I've never actually seen any of them.

On tonight's run, I'm please to say that I was lucky enough to whizz past Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen as he made his way to reception. At last, I can die happy.

I hope I haven't spoiled the surprise make-over anyone was planning for me?

Today's run at 17:57
Distance	4.01 km	Time	21:29
Pace	5:21 min/km	Cadence	82 spm
Comments: Clear.

See you next Tuesday...

Cunt. Probably, the most offensive word in the English language. It's quite fashionable to say fuck; not an evening passes at the best parties without its mention - even the Royals use it. Cunt, however, is a different matter altogether. Germaine Greer has said that "it is one of the few remaining words in the English language with a genuine power to shock."

The etymology of the word is disputed. It is thought by some that the word is related to the Old Norse, kunta and Middle High German kotze meaning prostitute. It's been linked to the etymology of country and kin, although this again is disputed, as has its connection with the Latin word cuneus, meaning wedge. It has even been suggested that the Welsh word cwm, meaning valley, is also related.

Offensive as it maybe throughout the English speaking world, in other languages I get the feeling it doesn't have quite the same taboo status. Take, for example, the Spanish equivalent word coño, which, when used as an exclamation, seems to be on a par with damn or shit in English.

Many people will be aware of using the motor-racing driver's name James Hunt to reference cunt and most people are now aware of the phrase See you next Tuesday as an allusion to the word. I'm guessing though that many will not know that the term berk is short for Berkeley Hunt; rhyming slang for cunt.

My favorite witticism involving the word has to be Stephen Fry's definition of countryside - the murder of Piers Morgan. And you can't really discuss cunt without paying homage to Kenny Everett's creation, Cupid Stunt.

Today's run at 17:09
Distance	4.01 km	Time	21:24
Pace	5:20 min/km	Cadence	80 spm
Comments: Blustery.

Are we not drawn onward to new era...?

Today's date is a palindrome: 21 02 2012. For those of you wondering what exactly a palindrome is: it's a series of units that form an identical sequence, whether read from left to right (or top to bottom) or in reverse. Today is the 11th palindromic date this century.

The title of today's entry is also palindromic. But... it doesn't quite work, does it? Close but no cigar. Yes, it's a perfect palindrome but to scan properly it should read, "Are we not drawn onward to a new era?". To prolong the pain even further, someone has laboured for hours extending it to, "Are we not drawn onward, we few, drawn onward to new era?"

And I guess that's the problem with palindromes; the longer they are, the more cumbersome and inelegant they tend to become. The effort expended in working them out as they squeeze and contort far outweighs their worth. You shouldn't be able to smell the sweat.

One of the most famous (and elegant) palindromes must be, "A man, a plan, a canal; Panama!" It may not be the longest but it's elegant, moderately witty and it makes sense - more than can be said for:

Do good? I? No. Evil anon I deliver. I maim nine more hero-men in Saginaw, sanitary sword a-tuck, Carol, I. Lo! Rack, cut a drowsy rat in Aswan. I gas nine more hero-men in Miami. Reviled, I (Nona) live on. I do, O God.

My apologies for forcing you to read that. Whilst, technically, it is palindromic, it makes no sense whatsoever. It's merely an excruciating exercise in cleverness.

The shorter ones are usually more elegant (and memorable) such as, "Gnu dung", "A Toyota", "Rise to vote, sir" and "Never odd or even"

Today's run at 17:19
Distance	4.02 km	Time	21:39
Pace	5:23 min/km	Cadence	80 spm
Comments: Grey.

Aarschgnoddle...

Made In America by Bill Bryson, is about how British English has been adapted, enriched, subverted, wrestled with and wrought into today's American English over the last 400 years. Much has been written about English, the common language that separates Britain and the US. However, nothing approaches the anecdotal and offbeat style adopted by Mr Bryson in his book.

American English has never restricted itself to adapting British English alone. A myriad of words have been introduced to American English by the waves of immigration through the 19th and early 20th Centuries. Everyone is aware of the words that the Italians, Irish and Jews brought with them and, I think most would agree, the American language would be all the poorer without them.

There are pockets of communities throughout the US who still speak their original native tongues. It's no surprise then to discover that these communities are still contributing to the vocabulary of American English, even hybrid communities such as Pennsylvania German (or Pennsylvania Dutch as it's sometimes known).

So it was, with keen interest that I read about how, in isolation, this language has drifted away from standard German. There are words they have for situations that other languages would require whole sentences to describe. For example, fedderschei - the condition of being reluctant to write letters and aagehaar - an eyelash hair that grows inwardly and irritates the sclera.

But there is one word that top trumps all contenders. In Mudderschprooch (as Pennsylvania German is known to its native speakers) that word is aarschgnoddle - the globules of faeces found on the hair in the vicinity of the anus.

And so, today's word of the day is aarschgnoddle. Repeat after me, aarschgnoddle. And your challenge today is to casually drop it into a conversation before the day is out...

Today's run at 14:46
Distance	4.04 km	Time	22:58
Pace	5:41 min/km	Cadence	80 spm
Comments: Cold. Clear. Sunny.

Dropping the apostrophe....

Levi's is one of the few companies to retain the possessive apostrophe in its name. Most companies have now dropped it: Boots, Tescos, Woolworths, Barclays, Harrods etc. But this omission is a recent thing; as David Crystal points out in his excellent book, The English Language, in the 1930s you would've bought Chambers's Encyclopædia while in the 1970s you would've bought Chambers English Dictionary.

Counter to this trend, some companies retain the apostrophe: Macy's and Kellog's along with Levi's are some of the few that do. In the US there is far more pressure to retain it (all of the companies mentioned here that do are American) - might this be US companies looking for a degree of heritage; perhaps it's an attempt to convey some sort of pedigree?

The British seem to favour its omission when it comes to company names. Waterstones recently dropped the apostrophe from its name amidst cries of despair from grammatical diehards. Perhaps it's an attempt to haul ourselves out of the 19th Century and compete with American commercialism; perhaps we think that it looks too fussy or that it lacks dynamism. Undoubtedly the internet has played its part - what do you do with an apostrophy in a URL?

Just look how we've adopted American work practices and management styles; companies that start the day by forcing their staff into morale building, back patting sessions that may work in the US but don't sit so comfortably with the British worker. I suppose it's all part of the creeping americanisation of British culture - some of it good; some of it not so good.

Have a nice day...

Definition...

I have an early 19th Century edition of Doctor Samuel Johnson's Dictionary of the English Language, which he originally completed in 1755 - the first comprehensive dictionary of the English language. It's probably not worth much in terms of money but I love this book.

I love it because, unlike modern dictionaries, Dr Johnson sometimes allows himself to drift in his efforts to define words objectively - his own views and prejudices are, at times, apparent:

Politician: 1. One versed in the arts of government; one skilled in politicks. 2. A man of artifice; one of deep contrivance.
Oats: A grain, which in England is generally given to horses, but in Scotland appears to support the people.
Lexicographer: A writer of dictionaries; a harmless drudge that busies himself in tracing the original, and detailing the signification of words.
Dull: Not exhilaterating (sic); not delightful; as, to make dictionaries is dull work.

I've got quite a collection of dictionaries and reference books: everything from your standard dictionaries to more colourful volumes, such as The Devil's Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce, originally published in 1906. He takes Dr Johnson's dry wit one stage further:

Acquaintance, n. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. A degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate when he is rich or famous.
Generous, adj. Originally this word meant noble by birth and was rightly applied to a great multitude of persons. It now means noble by nature and is taking a bit of a rest.
Riot, n. A popular entertainment given to the military by innocent bystanders.
Year, n. A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.

Here you can find The Dictionary of the English Language by Dr Samuel Johnson and The Devil's Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce.

Today's run at 17:32
Distance	4.28 km	Time	24:42
Pace	5:46 min/km	Cadence	80 spm
Comments: Blustery, squally showers.

Shibboleth...

A shibboleth, according to Wikipedia, is a custom, principle, or belief distinguishing a particular class or group of people, especially a long-standing one regarded as outmoded or no longer important. It usually refers to features of language, and particularly to a word whose pronunciation identifies its speaker as being a member or not a member of a particular group.

The word originates from the following biblical tale:

And it was so, that when those Ephraimites which were escaped said, Let me go over; that the men of Gilead said unto him, Art thou an Ephraimite? If he said, Nay; Then said they unto him, Say now Shibboleth: and he said Sibboleth: for he could not frame to pronounce it right. Then they took him, and slew him at the passages of Jordan: and there fell at that time of the Ephraimites forty and two thousand.
Judges 12:4--6, KJV

Slain for not being able to pronounce a word properly; pronounciation betrays our origins. In the UK it not only tells you where you come from but also which social class you belong to. You can wear the right clothes and drink the right wines but as soon as you open your gob, a stray flat a will give the game away.

I always found it a bit implausible when, in countless war films, British officers disguised as locals would be challenged by German border patrols whilst trying to escape. They would reply with what must've been perfect German pronounciation, for the guards never ever cottoned on.

In Denmark an unofficial test to establish your Danishness is to pronounce rødgrød med fløde (a red fruit dessert with cream). To a non Danish ear it sounds like someone trying to talk with a mouthful of hot potato. In British English the neutral vowel, and how well you throw it away, is a dead giveaway of the impostor.

As for Wales, many would argue that you could pick any Welsh word at random as all are incomprehensible to the non Welsh ear. Judging by the awful attempts BBC newsreaders make at pronouncing the simplest of Welsh place names, I'm inclined to agree. They take immense pride in navigating their tongues through a list of Swahili villages but ask them to pronounce Llanelli and they're lost.

Newsreaders must go to bed at night praying that nothing interesting will ever happen in Machynlleth or Dolgellau.

Homework...

How I used to hate my name. Why couldn't my mother have called me something normal like David, Mark or Stephen. Why Duncan? My dislike of my name can be traced back to a homework assignment I was given when I was about 12 years old.

The teacher had asked the entire class to research what our names meant. We had a week to do our research before presenting back to the class. Off I rushed after school and bullied my father into driving me to the library that evening. Excitedly, I asked the librarian where I might find a book on the meanings of names and, without waiting for her to finish her directions, I rushed off to where her finger was pointing. I could hardly contain myself as my eyes scanned the shelves.

There it was! The Dictionary of Names. I seized the book and flicked through the pages desperately looking for the entry, Duncan. My fingers wouldn't fly fast enough as they flicked at the page corners. By this point, I think I must have been panting in ecstasy. I was full of anticipation and fit to burst. At last...!

Surely to God, life couldn't be this cruel? My entire world was falling in. I choked back sobs and tears filled my eyes as I read the entry.

Duncan: /'dəŋkən/ male given name and surname; originally Irish Gaelic Donnchadh - Brown Warrior.

Brown Warrior? Brown Warrior!! I was mortified! To me it may as well have translated as Shirt Lifter or Arse Bandit; in my head it sounded the same. It took me years to forgive my mother for dreaming up such a spiteful name for me.

I've not been feeling myself...

ailing
bad
below par
donsie
down
faint
feeble
frail
ill
indisposed
infirm
laid low
not quite right
off colour
out of sorts
peaked
poorly
qualmish
queasy
rocky
seedy
shakey
sick
sickish
sickly
somewhat ill
under the weather
unwell
weakly
wobbly

dålig
doente
enfermo
have det dårligt
ikke rask
indisposé
indisposto
indispuesto
krasslig
onwel
opasslig
sjuk
souffrant
unwohl
utilpas

In the beginning was the word...

Split into Old and New Testaments and made up of 39 and 27 books respectively; the Bible, having been translated into over 450 languages, is the best selling book in history. The word bible can be traced back via Medieval Latin to Late Latin and ultimately to Greek τὰ βιβλία meaning the books.

It has played a key role in the history of printing, the rise in English Protestantism in the Sixteenth Century and Nineteenth Century literacy in Wales. The King James Bible is widely recoginised as a milestone of English literature, celebrating its 400th birthday this year.

In addition to over 450 translations of the Bible, there have also been numerous versions in English alone: The American Standard Version, The New Authorised Version and The Good News Bible to name but three from a long list of modern versions of the Bible - there's even been a Cockney Rhyming Slang Bible, a Manga Bible and a Klingon Bible. Perhaps my favorite versions are:

The Brick Testament - the Bible as told using Lego bricks.
The Polari Bible - the Bible translated into gay slang by the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence.

Dominus vobiscum...

Today's run at 17:36
Distance	4.02 km	Time	21:25
Pace	5:20 min/km	Cadence	82 spm

Not bloody likely, I'm going in a taxi...

Do accents matter? Well, they're not the best indicators of a person's character when you first meet, although, everybody makes certain assumptions as soon as you open your mouth. In a country so obsessed with class and status, as the British undoubtedly are, your accent or dialect gives away so much about you. How can such a relatively small island hold such a vast array of intonation and pronunciation?

You don't need to travel to some far flung corner of Albion, however, to witness peculiar pronunciations. No, nevermind your Yorkshire brogue or your Cockney rhyming slang; you needn't look any further than that once favorite accent of the BBC (and it really is just another accent), Received Pronunciation (RP). Here, you'll find some pretty ripe examples that make a nonsense of any link between spelling and pronunciation. English is certainly not a phonetic language.

So before we start sneering at the way the Welsh, Scots or Irish pronounce our beloved mother tongue, consider the spelling of the following words compared to how we're told they should be pronounced in Received Pronunciation:

Leicester (Lester)
Gloucester (Gloster)
Bicester (Bister)
Leominster (Lemster)
Cholmondley (Chumley)
Marjoribanks (Marchbanks)
Colquhoun (Cahoon)
Featherstonehaugh (Fanshaw)

And how the hell does Lieutenant end up sounding like Leftenant in the British Army, L'tenant in the British Navy and Lootenant in other countries' forces?

George Bernard Shaw, the Irish dramatist, attempted to reform English spelling to reflect English pronunciation but was unsuccessful, despite a lengthy campaign. His play, Pygmalion (later made into the musical My Fair Lady), deals with dialect and how important it is if you want to break out of the class you were born in to.

Consider the different ways we pronounce ough in the following words:

though (as in toe)
tough (as in cuff)
cough (as in toff)
hiccough (as in up)
plough (as in cow)
through (as in blue)
nought (as in caught)
lough (as in loch)

Shaw is often attributed with using the example of ghoti as an alternative spelling of fish to point out how ridiculous the rules of English spelling actually are. Whether this actually was Shaw or not, doesn't matter. He was right; British English, in its spelling and pronunciation (and often in its grammar), has no rhyme nor reason. Add to this regional and class variation and you've got a time-bomb awaiting any foreigner foolish enough to want to master this tongue.

Having said that, most of the inhabitants of these isles speak English as if it were a foreign language...

What's in a name...?

To scarper is British slang for to run off or to run away. It originates from the Italian scappare meaning to escape and was popularised through it's usage in Polari.

Polari is a language, used predominantly by gay men, made up of slang borrowed from various sources such as Italian, Romany, cant, backslang, rhyming slang and Yiddish. Polari's heyday was prior to the legislation in the late 1960s that partially decriminalised homosexuality. Prior to this date, a careless word could mean a gaol sentence, if overheard by the wrong person. Speaking in a slang only understood by likeminded souls was a very real protection against prosecution.

This was hilariously exploited in the Julian & Sandy sketches in the hugely popular 1960s BBC radio show, Round the Horne. Julian and Sandy (played by Hugh Paddick and Kenneth Williams) were out of work actors doing different jobs to get by. Each week would see them try their hand (hopelessly) at a different profession. All of them prefaced with bona, the Polari slang for good: Bona Law, Bona Pets, Bona Estate Agents even Keep Britain Bona where they launch their own political party. 

Because of all of the above, the fact I'm gay, that I like to run and that the URL was available, it seemed right to name this blog The Scarperer - escaping into my thoughts when I run. For those interested in finding out a little more; here's the Wikipedia article on Polari, a One Show feature on Polari by Arthur Smith with Paul Baker and even the Bible translated into Polari. For those still not sated, you can get a copy of Paul Baker's excellent Dictionary of Polari and Gay Slang.

Bona nochy!