Dead beat...

I've been thinking healthy thoughts lately about what music I'd like played at my funeral. What prompted me was listening to my favorite Momus song, What Will death Be Like? The song is a list of things that death will be unlike to the accompanyment of an acoustic guitar - very simple, clever and moving. It used to be on my list but I've now ditched in favour of something else.

There are so many songs to choose from and the list changes each time I look at it - I'm tempted to include Wagner's Ride Of The Valkyrie or Ding Dong The Witch is Dead - from The Wizard of Oz but, at the moment, my funeral hit list would be something like:

Sarabande - Georg Friedrich Handel
Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now - The Smiths
A Day In The Life - The Beatles
All Tomorrow's Parties - The Velvet Underground
The Man That Got Away - Judy Garland
Theme From Midnight Cowboy - John Barry
Go West - Village People
Are You Lonesome Tonight (Laughing Version) - Elvis Presley
Nimrod (Enigma Variations) - Edward Elgar

I went to a friend's funeral at Golders Green Crematorium some years ago and he had Abba's Super Trouper to play him out. As the coffin rolled into the flames, half the mourners cried and the other half laughed - not a dry eye in the house.

What's your curtain call music?

World leaders say the funniest things...

Just before setting off on tonight's run (4.19 km in 21'06" at 11.88 km/hr) I saw a tweet from journalist, Daniel Fisher (@DanFisherJourno) referencing today's post in the New Statesman blog, The Staggers. The post is entitled, Berlusconi gaffes: our top ten. For a politician to utter any one of these would be cause for concern; for the first minister of a developed country to have uttered all ten is nothing less than shocking.

However, in my opinion, the worst gaffe made by Silvio Berlusconi was when Italy's Prime Minister humiliated Angela Merkel at a Nato Summit Conference by keeping her waiting whilst he chatted on his mobile. Absolutely staggering!

Of course there are a number of people in the public eye who are well known for their gaffes. American presidents are well represented with the likes of George W Bush and Ronald Raegan. And we need look no further than our own back yard for political gaffes, such as the famous "bigoted woman" gaffe from Gordon Brown in the 2010 election and here are some other well known political noses out of joint. And for those of you not quite sated, here are a couple more gaffes.

However, if we were to give a lifetime achievement award for gaffes made by a figure in the public eye, then sureley, it must go to the Gaffer himself: Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh. Here are a selection of his utterances, straight from the horse's arse:

British women can't cook. - 1966.

Everybody was saying we must have more leisure. Now they are complaining they are unemployed. - during the 1981 recession.

If it has got four legs and it is not a chair, if it has got two wings and it flies but is not an aeroplane, and if it swims and it is not a submarine, the Cantonese will eat it. - at a 1986 World Wildlife Fund meeting.

If a cricketer, for instance, suddenly decided to go into a school and batter a lot of people to death with a cricket bat, which he could do very easily, I mean, are you going to ban cricket bats? - in 1996, amid calls to ban firearms after the Dunblane shooting.

If you stay here much longer, you'll all be slitty-eyed. - to British students in China, during the 1986 state visit.

Are you still throwing spears at other tribes? - to Ivan Brim, Djabugay Elder at Tjapukai Aboriginal Park, Australia 2002.

A blind man walked into a pub and swung his guide dog around his head by the tail. He told the barman 'I'm just having a look around'. - telling a joke to a blind girl while presenting awards in Edinburgh in 1984.

We may have to move to smaller premises, who knows? We had a small yacht which we've had to sell and I shall probably have to give up polo fairly soon. - explaining in 1969 that the amount given to the Royal Family by the government was not enough to meet their expenses.

If it doesn't fart or eat hay, she isn't interested. - speaking about his daughter, Princess Anne.

I hope he breaks his bloody neck. - referring to a photographer who fell from a pole while trying to get a better view.

We don't come here for our health, you know. - while on a Royal visit to Canada in 1969.

You managed not to get eaten then? - while speaking to a Duke of Edinburgh Award participant in 1998 who had trekked across Papua New Guinea's Kokoda Trail, hinting that cannibalism was still practised in Papua New Guinea.

Get that bloody man out of the way. Hey you, didn't you hear what I said? You're blocking my bloody view. - referring to reporter David Leith who was standing in front of him at a Moroccan beauty spot.

I suppose you are the head knit. - speaking to the Managing Director of a Manchester knitting company.

I don't think doing it for money makes it any more moral. I don't think a prostitute is more moral than a wife, but they are doing the same thing. - a speech in London in 1988 comparing participation in blood sports to selling slaughtered meat.

Bloody silly fool! - in 1997, referring to a Cambridge University car park attendant who did not recognise him.

How do the natives keep off the booze long enough to pass their tests? - talking to a driving instructor on a visit to Oban, Scotland.

I don't know how these students are going to integrate in places like Glasgow and Sheffield. I have to commiserate with them. - after visiting a university in Brunei and talking to students who wanted to study in Britain.

I think the number of those killed has been exaggerated. - during a visit to Amritsar, India in 1997 referring to the massacre of 379 unarmed protesters by British troops in 1919.

It looks as if it was put in by an Indian. - pointing at an old-fashioned fusebox in a factory near Edinburgh in 1999.

Deaf? If you are near there, no wonder you are deaf. - to young deaf people in Cardiff, in 1999, referring to a nearby school's welcoming steel band.

You are a woman, aren't you? - in Kenya, in 1984, after accepting a small gift from an indigenous woman.

Imagine being married to him...?

Now, who fancies a spitroast...?

As many of you know, the Kings Cross, Wales' oldest gay bar, closed a while ago. I wrote about it here in September and I was sad to see it go after so many years and so many memories. But, I guess, times change. As I passed it this morning (as I do most mornings on my way to work) it was shrouded in its tarpaulin - like a corpse before burial maybe or perhaps like a pupa on its way to becoming a butterfly. Who knows?

I walked over to take a closer look and noticed that it is now promoting itself under its new name of The Corner House. It looks nice enough and the menu looks promising.

However, the thing that really caught my eye was on the hoarding they've got up outside the pub. The hoarding boasts Sunday roasts, pastas, risottos, burgers and fish. Nothing unusual about that, you say. Indeed, I've seen all those dishes served over the years in its old guise as the Kings Cross. However, one thing it now boasts that the Kings, in all its long history as a gay bar, never ever quite managed: spitroasts... The Corner House is offering spitroasts!

What next - handcuffs, cubicles and a gloryhole? Perhaps a dark room and a sling for the pre-theatre crowd? The times, they certainly are a changing...

My run tonight saw me cover 4.05 km in 20'53" at 11.62 km/hr.

In preparation...

On my run tonight (4.04 km in 21'35'" at a pace of 5'20"), I started assembling a list in preparation for a holiday I've got conming soon. This list used to exist on my phone but that disappeared when I damaged it and had to get it replaced a couple of weeks ago. Such lists used to remain in my head but now I have to write them down:

Find passport
Find European Health Insurance Card
Print flight tickets
Print hotel booking
Print transfer documents
Print insurance details
Cut nails
Visit barber
Wash clothes
Sort running kit
Arrange for use of bank card abroad
Arrange for use of credit card abroad
Buy €50
Download Spooks to watch on iPad
Remember headphones
Find plug adapters
Choose holiday books
Find spare reading glasses
Buy suntan lotion
Buy aftersun
Buy new rucksack
Buy flip flops
Charge camera battery
Charge razor
Pick up prescription
Buy electric toothbrush heads
Buy toiletries
Buy glucose tablets
Trim hair
Iron (if I must)
Pack
Clean flat
Phone my mother
Disable anything smart about my smartphone

That should keep me busy for the next few days...

In the mood...

The Puppini Sisters are a close harmony, 1940s feel, swing trio and I can't get these girls out of my mind. I spoke to my friend Lou about them on Twitter last night. She'd not heard of them before, which comes as no surprise. Neither had I until a friend intoduced me to them. They're a bit hard to categorise and consequently aren't given the hard sell treatment by the music industry they otherwise would. No, they remain a jewel waiting to be discovered.

Their performances of swing classics such as It Don't Mean A Thing (If It Ain't Got That Swing) and Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy (of Company B) are stunning. However, it's their swing renditions of new wave/indie classics such as Blondie's Heart of Glass, Kate Bush's Wuthering Heights and Panic by The Smiths that are totally startling and absolutely out of this world.

With the sun glittering in this crisp autumnal weather across Cardiff Bay and The Puppini Sisters going round in my head nothing could dampen my mood today: not running out of milk this morning, not forgetting my phone when I left the house this afternoon, not losing my £1 coin needed to lock my locker at the pool - nothing! I have been In the Mood all day.


And when I eventually got in the pool this afternoon, as I thrashed up and down the lanes, In the Mood went round and round in my head. If I could have found a way of singing it underwater, I would have...

Who's the lovin' daddy with the beautiful eyes
What a pair o' lips, I'd like to try 'em for size
I'll just tell him, "Baby, won't you swing it with me"
Hope he tells me maybe, what a wing it will be
So, I said politely "Darlin' may I intrude"
He said "Don't keep me waitin' when I'm in the mood"

 I saw The Puppini Sisters live about 2 years ago and they were magnificent: faultless singing, superb musicianship and wonderful banter. You leave their shows with a feeling of warmth and satisfaction and huge grin from ear to ear. Here they are singing a medley of some of their songs at the Music Hall Meltdown.