Many of you will have read my occasional posts
here and
there about the things that make me laugh on Twitter. Twitter seems to lend itself to a certain kind of humour. No shaggy dog stories here because you're limited to 140 characters; you have to be concise with any humour and, if you're going to tickle my funny bone, the pithier the better.
And so without further procrastination:
Give a man a job and you have an employee, but teach him to shift blame and you have a manager!
@Llanigan
Two old woman meet for coffee, first lady says "did you come on the bus?" other replies "yes, but i made it look like an asthma attack".
@whyfi
"Jeremy Kyle is like a 21st century Dr Dolittle"... Brilliant quote!! Haha
@phillavelle
I got my dad a wooden leg for Christmas. It wasn't his main present though. Just a stocking filler.
@strutcakes
People who use predictive text are aunts.
@GCostin
Dull, plain looking woman on #superscrimpers tells me to freeze something called "left over wine" No I don't have a clue either.
@chris_burton_
Women say childbirth is the most painful thing... obviously they have never stepped on a Lego.
@jeddyamazing
Grammar. The difference between knowing your shit and knowing you're shit!
@ceri_dee
Just about to Felch my first creme egg of the year.
@Mumraa
I dont think I could ever stab someone, let's be honest I can barely get a straw into a capris sun.
@jameswalker1979
Found out last night that I'm both gay and dyslexic. I'm still in daniel.
@Pundamentalism
As we left hospital once again, we wondered whether to change the safe word from llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch.
@50ShedsofGrey
You can, of course, see all this and more first hand by
joining the other tweeps on Twitter.
| Run 25/07/2012 19:40 |
| Distance | 5:01 km | Time | 28:24 |
| Pace | 5:40 min/km | Cadence | 80 spm |
| Comments: Sunny and hot. |
| Run 23/07/2012 17:09 |
| Distance | 5:02 km | Time | 28:06 |
| Pace | 5:36 min/km | Cadence | 79 spm |
| Comments: Sunny and hot. |
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