Twitticisms II...

Many of you will have read my occasional posts here and there about the things that make me laugh on Twitter. Twitter seems to lend itself to a certain kind of humour. No shaggy dog stories here because you're limited to 140 characters; you have to be concise with any humour and, if you're going to tickle my funny bone, the pithier the better.

And so without further procrastination:

Give a man a job and you have an employee, but teach him to shift blame and you have a manager!
@Llanigan

Two old woman meet for coffee, first lady says "did you come on the bus?" other replies "yes, but i made it look like an asthma attack".
@whyfi

"Jeremy Kyle is like a 21st century Dr Dolittle"... Brilliant quote!! Haha
@phillavelle

I got my dad a wooden leg for Christmas. It wasn't his main present though. Just a stocking filler.
@strutcakes

People who use predictive text are aunts.
@GCostin

Dull, plain looking woman on #superscrimpers tells me to freeze something called "left over wine" No I don't have a clue either.
@chris_burton_

Women say childbirth is the most painful thing... obviously they have never stepped on a Lego.
@jeddyamazing

Grammar. The difference between knowing your shit and knowing you're shit!
@ceri_dee

Just about to Felch my first creme egg of the year.
@Mumraa

I dont think I could ever stab someone, let's be honest I can barely get a straw into a capris sun.
@jameswalker1979

Found out last night that I'm both gay and dyslexic. I'm still in daniel.
@Pundamentalism

As we left hospital once again, we wondered whether to change the safe word from llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch.
@50ShedsofGrey

You can, of course, see all this and more first hand by joining the other tweeps on Twitter.

1 Year Ago:

Spontaneity...

Run 25/07/2012 19:40
Distance	5:01 km	Time	28:24
Pace	5:40 min/km	Cadence	80 spm
Comments: Sunny and hot.

Run 23/07/2012 17:09
Distance	5:02 km	Time	28:06
Pace	5:36 min/km	Cadence	79 spm
Comments: Sunny and hot.

Briefs...

Hailing from Brisbane, Briefs are a boylesque troupe of Australian beefcake, wrapped up in glitter, feathers and fluff; they are currently appearing at Cardiff's Blysh Festival hosted at the WMC.

Their performance is a remarkable mix of foul mouthed cabaret with an added splash of circus and a generous orgasmic squirt of camp. Muscles are flexed, eyelashes are batted, buttocks are clenched and tongues are firmly placed in cheeks. I guarantee that you've never seen anything like it!

I've been to a number of Blysh Festival performances over the past few years and I've seen a number of cabaret acts. I've never been disappointed but Briefs' performance last night moved things to a new high. They have certainly raised the bar.

I, along with everyone else at last night's performance, laughed like a drain from beginning to end; marveling at these boys' athleticism and irreverent wit whilst ogling their beefcake, buffed up bodies.

If you like a bit of camp, if you enjoy cabaret, if you've got a sense of humour or even if, at some basic level, you consider yourself to be alive; beg, steal or borrow to get a ticket to see this life affirming spectacle. They've got one final performance in Cardiff tonight before continuing with their UK tour.

Go and see them; you won't be disappointed. Promise.

1 Year Ago:

Elaine Carmody fights for your rights...

Run 20/07/2012 17:14
Distance	5:16 km	Time	29:35
Pace	5:44 min/km	Cadence	80 spm
Comments: Sunny.

Run 18/07/2012 17:19
Distance	5.02 km	Time	27:33
Pace	5:29 min/km	Cadence	81 spm
Comments: Sunny.

Don't Rain On My Parade...

Despite some initially optimistic weather forecasts, despite keeping my fingers, legs, eyes and everything else crossed and despite daily libations to the pantheon of gay gods, Bristol Pride 2012 was more than a teensy bit damp. Admittedly, the sun did put his hat on for an hour or so mid-afternoon but it was, for the most part, a rather moist and sodden affair.

Having said that, it was enormous fun. And the fun started before the parade got underway, with Bristol's first openly gay Lord Mayor posing for the cameras at the head of the parade. With his whistle in his mouth, a rainbow flag in his hand and the beginnings of some killer moves; the press lapped it up. The rain eased off for the start of the parade as we turned out of Berkeley Square and headed down Park Street. Spectators hung out of top floor flats cheering us on as we wended our way toward College Green; this ragbag mix of militant lefties, newly out twinks and seasoned old drag queens.

The heavy police presence, both at the march and especially at Temple Meads station made sense when we found out that the English Defence League were also marching through Bristol, as were anti fascist organisations. The Pride march was unaffected by the EDL's presence in the city and organisers claimed that it was one of the biggest pride marches for the city.

My friend Howard and I had traveled over together from Cardiff and met up with some other friends in Bristol. We were later joined by another friend, Darren, and an obliging Brasilian guy took the shot of us above. It really was a delightful day which was not marred by any showers that occasionally drifted through or any clouds that might have obscured the sun (we've gotten used to that this Summer, haven't we?).

You can see images of Bristol Pride here at BBC News and here at This is Bristol. Whilst we were there we had our photo taken a number of times and I found this black and white one whilst looking for pictures of the event on Google on Sunday morning (I'm the slaphead on the right). If Arena was still in business, this would be a poster!

And given this post's title, it seems only fitting to leave you with this...

1 Year Ago:

It's just not cricket...

Run 16/07/2012 18:22
Distance	5:30 km	Time	30:26
Pace	5:44 min/km	Cadence	80 spm
Comments: Showers.

Run 12/07/2012 17:18
Distance	5:13 km	Time	29:52
Pace	5:50 min/km	Cadence	80 spm
Comments: Showers.

København...

This weekend has seen me overcome with a wave of nostalgia for Copenhagen. You see, I've been watching the original Danish version of The Killing (Forbrydelsen, "The Crime"). Those of you who have watched it will know that it's a slow burning crime thriller set in the Danish capital, Copenhagen.

I visited Copenhagen frequently between 1997 and 2007 and grew quite fond of the town. I say town because it doesn't feel like a city, not when you're on foot. Once in the centre, you can easily walk to most places. A lot of the architecture is beautiful and old. However, you regularly stumble upon new, functional architecture that has a beauty too. It's this mix that makes it a magical place (if only the critics of London's Shard would understand this). In my mind Copenhagen is a city of two halves.

There's the vibrant colours of places like Nyhavn, the tourist harbour area with its brightly coloured house fronts; its busy cafes and bars overlooking the canal. Copenhagen is dotted with such areas; they bustle with a vibrant warmth and friendliness. And then there's it's skyline, punctured by the copper-green spires of countless churches. In the summer, this makes Copenhagen one of the prettiest capitals I've ever been to.

Then there's the darker side to this city. I don't mean sinister; just darker, colder and greyer in feel as well as colour. And indeed, it is this dark quality that The Killing exploits; set during the month of November, there's a damp and gloomy quality to series. It's quite evocative, with many of the scenes being set at night. This darker aspect of Copenhagen lends itself quite well to this drama.

These darker quarters of the city seem drained of colour, almost monochrome. No gayly painted frontages here - just grey and angular. And this has a beauty too. No-one quite does grey and angular like the Danes. Pictured above is the Royal Library, nicknamed the Black Diamond because of its striking marble and glass exterior. It's used as a location in the series and it's an exquisitely beautiful building.

If you've not seen The Killing, give it a try; the cast and atmosphere are great. I could say the same about Copenhagen itself; why not give it a try; the cast and atmosphere are great!

1 Year Ago:

Land of my fathers. And mothers...

Run 09/07/2012 17:50
Distance	5:02 km	Time	28:17
Pace	5:38 min/km	Cadence	81 spm
Comments: Sunshine but windy.

Run 06/07/2012 16:37
Distance	5:18 km	Time	28:57
Pace	5:36 min/km	Cadence	81 spm
Comments: Showers.

The National Three Peaks Challenge...

The National Three Peaks Challenge is an event that comprises of climbing the highest mountains of Scotland, England and Wales. The three peaks are:

Ben Nevis (1,344m), Scotland
Scafell Pike (978m), England
Snowdon (1,085m), Wales

The total walking distance is approximately 44km, along with driving 744km between the peaks. And, to succeed at this challenge, it has to be completed within 24 hours. It's tough.

Starting at approximately 4pm at the foot of Ben Nevis this Friday (July 6th), some friends of mine will attempt to do just that. They've been training for over 6 months with early starts every weekend to practice climbing different mountains in South Wales and further afield. During this time, they have, between them, climbed innumerable peaks and walked one helluva distance - I've seen the blisters and limps.

They haven't been helped by this year's unseasonable Spring and non-existent Summer and some have had to drop out through injury. It's not been easy. However, a core of 11 remaining team members are now set to attempt the Three Peaks Challenge this coming weekend and, judging by every forecast I've seen, it doesn't look as if they can count on the weather being on their side.

Undoubtedly, they all have their different personal reasons for doing this but the one reason that binds them all is to raise money for Cancer Research Wales. So far, they've raised over £6,000 between them. If you'd like to cheer them on and encourage them, what better way than to make a donation? I'm sure the knowledge that donations are still coming in will spur them on during the more difficult moments that they'll undoubtedly face during this challenge.

To make a donation, visit the team page at Just Giving, The PBS Peakers, where you can pick a team member to donate to or select PBS Team Page to donate to the whole team.

1 Year Ago:

Such a drag...

Run 03/07/2012 18:05
Distance	5:03 km	Time	29:19
Pace	5:50 min/km	Cadence	80 spm
Comments: Heavy showers.

Run 02/07/2012 17:18
Distance	5.01 km	Time	29:34
Pace	5:54 min/km	Cadence	79 spm
Comments: Heavy rain.

Is Tom Cruise gay...?

Does anyone care...? Passing a newsagent's on my run yesterday afternoon, I couldn't help but notice how many front pages had Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes splashed all over them, following news on Friday that they are to divorce. With the current crisis besetting the Euro and the news that Barclays manipulated the Libor (and with other major banks under investigation for their part in it), you'd think we'd have something else to talk about. So, in answer to "Does anyone care...?", it seems that people care a great deal about Tom Cruise, his life and his loves.

Following the news of their break up on Friday, Twitter was awash with jokes about Tom finally getting rid of his beard (I should explain that a beard is a term for the pretend female partner a closeted gay man uses to conceal his true sexual orientation - a disguise, if you will). News like this is a goldmine for anyone who fancies themselves as a bit of a wit and Twitter, with its 140 character limit, is the ideal method of delivery for the pithy retort. The beard joke was retweeted until it was threadbare, along with numerous other twitticisms about Tom Cruise and Scientology, Tom Cruise and John Travolta, Tom Cruise's height and, of course, questions about Tom Cruise's sexuality.

Indeed, questions (and inevitably jokes) about Tom Cruise's sexuality have existed for years; they have rumbled on ever since he first entered the public eye in the early 80s. One rumour concerned an alleged homosexual affair he had during the filming of Eyes Wide Shut, the Stanley Kubrick film he made with his then wife, Nicole Kidman. When his attorney got news that letters supporting this affair were to be used in Andrew Morton's biography of Tom Cruise, warnings of legal action were issued. Indeed, his attorney's sledge hammer to crack a nut approach to quash such rumours (and also the reporting of those rumours) has, according to many, wedded the words Tom Cruise to the word gay in the public's mind.

The other word wedded to Tom Cruise is, of course, Scientology. Most of you will be aware that Tom Cruise is a prominent member of the Church of Scientology. Other celebrity members include, John Travolta, Kirstie Alley, Lisa Marie Presley, Isaac Hayes and Chick Corea. Scientology is a religion that was started in 1953 by science fiction writer, L. Ron Hubbard and his wife. Tom Cruise was introduced to Scientology in 1990 by his first wife, Mimi Rogers. Since then he has campaigned for it to be recognised as a religion in Europe. Scientology's opposition to mainstream psychiatry was highlighted when Tom Cruise said, "I think psychiatry should be outlawed". He later went on to criticise actress Brook Shields for using anti-depressants, asserting that there is no such thing as a chemical imbalance and that psychiatry is a form of pseudoscience.

Scientology teaches that people are immortal spiritual beings who have forgotten their true nature. Hubbard's views on homosexuality were that it is an aberration and that homosexuals are dangerous to society. In its early history, the Church of Scientology claims to have cured a number of ailments, including "overt homosexuality" by the application of Dianetics - a "science of the mind" that Hubbard invented and is practiced by followers of Scientology (Cruise claims it cured his dyslexia). Has the Church of Scientology changed its stance on homosexuality in recent years? They claim not to dictate sexual preferences but the San Diego branch of the church recently supported Proposition 8, a movement to ban gay marriage in California. If Tom Cruise were gay, he would find himself at odds with a number of his fellow Scientologists.

And it's not just his pronouncements on Scientology that have attracted controversy. Perhaps the most memorable interview Tom Cruise has ever done was the Oprah interview in 2005 where he demonstrated, through some pretty extraordinary behavior, his purported love for Katie Holmes. As many have observed, his actions during the interview, such as dropping to one knee, punching the air and jumping up and down on the sofa, made him look rather foolish. In acting terms, it's a performance that's more pantomime than Method Acting; it's the performance of a desperate man - a man desperate to dispell any rumours that he might be gay? The phrase that springs to mind is, "The lady doth protest too much, methinks". Here it is again for those of you with strong stomachs.

So, is Tom Cruise gay? I certainly hope not!

1 Year Ago:

Best run of the week...

Run 30/06/2012 13:03
Distance	5:06 km	Time	28:24
Pace	5:37 min/km	Cadence	81 spm
Comments: Sunny but blustery.

Run 29/06/2012 17:39
Distance	5.30 km	Time	31:39
Pace	5:58 min/km	Cadence	80 spm
Comments: Sunny.